Load Of Bull

Archive for the ‘Sport’ Category

Is Sepp Blatter one of the most repulsive men in the world at the moment? Mr Teflon has had his name dragged through the brown stuff (shame it was just his name) again recently and arrogantly stands in front of seasoned reporters telling them to ‘learn respect’ – he couldn’t even spell it.

This from a man who runs an organisation where the word ‘corrupt’ didn’t exist until he took over the presidency in 1998 and what has lately been up to its neck in the stuff Read the rest of this entry »

‘I’ll tell him to go easy on you,’ said the young man’s Dad as we headed for the tennis courts in Gran Alacant.

‘Oh no’ I replied, ‘I don’t want him having any excuses come the end of the match, tell him to give it his best…’

‘As you wish,’ said Dad.

The young man in question is Ellis Ward, currently Yorkshire’s number one tennis player (under 15’s) and in the top ten in Great Britain. But, I have age and experience and, I have managed to keep myself fairly fit over the years, all going for me.  After weeks of banter and bragging (from us both) the match was set. Five o’clock in the afternoon – I planned on using the heat of the day to sap the energy of the young upstart – and we warmed up (you know what I mean), gently batting the ball back and forth. With Dad as umpire and Ellis to serve, I readied myself; picturing a forehand crosscourt smashing uppercut (or something like that). However, when the serve came, I heard the bounce and then the rattle as it hit the fence behind me. ’15 love!’ chirped in Dad trying to stop a fit of giggles. The rest of that game went much the same way – I guess really I should have just waited by the fence where the balls inevitably ended up anyway. My serve didn’t quite trouble him as much; compared to his, I’m afraid mine looked a bit like a woman when she throws a ball…with her left hand.

Needless to say Ellis escaped with a narrow victory (6-0) but I did manage to take two points off of him…ok, one was a double fault on his serve but the other one…well, what a point that was but it’ll have to wait for another day.

Keep an eye out for young Ellis in and around Gran Alacant where his parents have a property and keep an eye on Wimbledon over the next few years, you never know – you can always tell people that you know a guy who took two points off of the first British Wimbledon winner for 300 years…

I am off the oxygen now and the doctor says I still have a good chance of regaining some intelligence…

So there I was. Standing on the Carabasi beach, dressed in rubber and waiting for another bloke dressed in rubber to join me. Before you start thinking all the rumours are true, my son Mitch was with me, and we were going diving. Well actually I don’t think we were going to go out of our depth but by the time this story gets back home…I’ll have been searching a wreck for sunken treasure while battling Stingrays and Sharks, and other big wet things.

I’ve always wanted to dive – ever since I tried it out in the Caribbean a few years ago I’ve wanted to do it again, but properly…and legally this time, so it was fortunate that I got chatting with Keith and Vanessa from ##############  dive school in Santa Pola who invited us along to have a go first, and then try to attain the PADI certificate that would allow us to dive anywhere in the world.  Magic.

They’d given us a book each to read up on the basic knowledge of open water diving – although mine got a bit soggy when I tried to refer to chapter 3 while we were submerged – and we’d been testing each other on it for the past week or so. We were looking forward to it so much and couldn’t wait to get going but ‘Ness’ was very professional about making sure that we were taking notice of the safety procedures involved and what exactly we would be doing once we were in the water. The plan, apparently, was to bring us back in one piece – which was nice I thought.

We’d been at the dive school, on the new port in Santa Pola, for a couple of days previously with Keith and Ness and the attention to detail had been incredible, but reassuring and they’d made sure that we had felt ready to take the plunge too.

It felt a bit like learning to drive again, but obviously you don’t need the goggles and flippers…unless my mum is driving.

But we were ready to make our first excursion into the sea but, this time (in my case) with the safety net that somebody nearby actually knew what they were doing. With sports such as these it’s so important to have the experts, not only teach you, but also to have them to hand once you have qualified as a resource and an advisor who you can call on.

############# dive school has opened my eyes to not only how dangerous this type of thing can be if done incorrectly but also how simple (and fairly) easy it is to do it properly. Net month we’ll be under the ‘beautiful briny’ and we’ll let you know how we’re getting on. But if you fancy a go yourself give the guys (and gal) a call on the numbers below and they’ll explain everything as clear (and as often – again in my case) as is required.

‘You want me to what!’ I thought it because I couldn’t shout it. The reason I couldn’t shout was due to the fact that I was sitting on the sea bed with my air supply firmly wedged in my gob and several thousand gallons of water between me and Ness, my scuba diving teacher. She wanted me to fill my goggles, sorry mask, half full of water and then breathe through my nose and the water would magically disappear – as it had when she’d demonstrated the skill moments before. My son, being a clever-arse had already completed the task successfully and now it was me. It’s certainly a weird sensation letting the water in until its just below your eyes but following Ness’s instructions I did as requested and, hey presto, a clear mask. I guess that doing this with a heavy cold may hinder the vision somewhat though.

With my mask now thankfully water (and snot) free we took a look around our underwater world and even though we were probably less than fifty feet from the shore, the abundance of marine life going about its business around us was amazing. I’d always considered scuba diving to be something you needed to spend a fair amount of time on a boat for and that is not a good idea in my case – unless you like hearing the name ‘Hughie’ shouted over and over while I decorate the Med’ with diced carrots…

We completed quite a few more of the skills that we needed to learn to gain our Open Water Diver certificate and did a little bit of theory while we dried off, at the beach bar, with a cold beer – this is what I call an education

From the little that I’ve learnt, and seen, already participating in this sport it really is one of those things that you turn around a say ‘I wish I done it years ago’ about. For my son, Mitch, who’s seventeen it is opening up a whole new world of possibilities – both for pleasure and commercial and it means that wherever he goes in the world he’ll be qualified to go straight out and dive, and enjoy, the local environment…so long as it’s not Elche I guess…

DONE IT! Yep, your smart-arse editor and his son, Mitch, have qualified as Open Water divers and are now enjoying the freedom and beauty of swimming beneath the waves. Under the watchful tutorage of Course Director, Keith Barker – who wants me to mention that teaching me was like trying to hammer cheese into a brick wall – we’ve completed the exams, the dives and the skills and somehow proved to him that we are capable divers.

If I’m honest, it wasn’t too difficult – anything we didn’t understand was explained to us (in my case often more than once) – and most importantly they made the course fun as well as an education in marine life and the sea in general. The best thing is that it’s great exercise and you find out about what really is down there; whether that’s here in the Med’ or pretty much anywhere you go in the world – although Milton Keynes beach is a little hard to find…

Whether you want a dive or maybe fancy going snorkeling, you could do a lot worse than hopping into the Dive Academy’s boat and heading out to Tabarca. Many people still don’t realise that there is a marine nature reserve around Tabarca island and the fish, being smart, gather their safe in the knowledge that they won’t be swallowing a sharp prick in the near future…but instead can swim around (in huge numbers) chomping away safely on anything tasty that comes their way. The variety, colours and vibrancy of the place should not be missed and after a short (and exciting) ride on the powerful RIB you drop into a world of underwater beauty, trust me and try it…you’ll be writing in to thank me…one day.

In our quest to conquer the underwater world we’ve decided to put ourselves on the ‘Advanced Diver’ course which involves learning specialities such as, navigation, night dives and diving down to wrecks…but more about that next month. If you are interested in finding out more the Santa Pola Dive Academy offer ‘try-dives’ and all sorts of other introductory offers for the novice or pleasure and speciality dives for the more experienced. Give them a call or drop them an email and they’ll get you in the water and before you know it, you’ll be seeing a whole new world. 

I must finally say a massive thank you to Jim, Ness & Freddy for their time & patience and also for making the courses interesting and fun – Thanks! Gotta go…I’m out of air…